Weird is an Understatement
by Shinaria
Summary: Twisted little oneshots. Just my deranged mind at work.
1. Please Don't Feed the Easter Bunny

**Summary: Cute, fluffy, and white equals 100 percent pure evil.**

**I know Easter's come and gone, but I was bored and this popped into my head. I own nothing except spelling mistakes and a fictional bunny rabbit.**

--

**Please Don't Feed the Easter Bunny**

_"Evil Santa. What're you gonna tell me next—the Easter Bunny's Jewish?" –Dean Winchester in A Very Supernatural Christmas_

Not Jewish, just an adorable little bunny that's not quite right…

--

"Dude, is that-?"

"Yep."

"Holy shit!"

The brothers stared at the small white rabbit. It stared back, it's little pink nose twitching.

"That's…wow, that's kinda cute."

"Until it tears your head off."

"Damn…"

"Just shoot it, Dean."

"But-" Dean waved his hand towards it, "_look_ at that face! I…I just can't do it!"

"The cuteness is an illusion!" Sam cried. "It _wants_ you to think it's all sweet and cuddly and that's when it'll attack!"

"But-"

"Ugh, give me the gun!"

"No way!"

The rabbit watched as the brothers grappled for the .45, it's dark eyes large and curious.

"Just…give me...the damn gun!"

"No way, man! I'm not letting you shoot the poor thing! Ahha!" Dean got the upper hand and shoved his brother off.

Sam threw his hands in the air. "Fine! Fine. But if your head gets torn off, don't come whining to me." He stalked off towards the car just a few yards away and leaned against the door, crossing his arms.

Dean smirked at his victory and knelt down, pulling a carrot out of his pocket. "Here, bunny bunny bunny."

It hopped a couple feet towards him, fuzzy ears quivering.

"I think I'm gonna name you Lola Bunny."

Sam rolled his eyes. "It's a _boy_, Dean."

"Bugs Bunny then."

Sam smacked his forehead in exasperation.

Dean clicked his tongue against the back of his teeth. "Come on," he coaxed. "I got a nice juicy carrot here for you…" He shook the vegetable at the rabbit. "Come on."

It literally snatched the carrot out of his hands and hopped away again, nibbling at it furiously.

"Damn, you're a hungry little fellow, aren't you?"

It dropped the brushy green top on the ground, finished.

"Christ…"

"Careful, Dean," Sam called, "he still looks hungry."

_No kidding. _The rabbit was bunched up again, staring at him, but now it's innocent brown eyes held something more…sinister.

"Huh." Dean studied the rabbit. The way it was curled up reminded up of a large cotton ball. He felt a sudden, uncharacteristic urge to reach out and snuggle with it, though he would never admit that to his brother. "Dammit, stop being so cute."

Surprisingly, he got his wish. The rabbit's eyes flashed red.

"Crap!" Dean reached for his gun, but found it flying from his grasp as the creature pounced at him with astonishing agility. It's face no longer resembling that of a rabbit, but morphing into a grotesque mockery of it, the bones protruding out from under decaying flesh. It knocked him over, it's needle-like teeth tearing into the skin of his throat, the razor sharp claws shredding his cloths.

"Gah! Get it off! _Get it off!"_

A thunderous blast rang through the air, and the demonic rabbit disappeared in a cloud of white fluff and gore.

Dean lay on his back, spitting in a feeble attempt to get the thing's blood out of his mouth. "Gross…"

Sam looked down at his blood-splattered brother, a shotgun in his hands. "Next time you decide to play with the Easter Bunny, don't."

Dean weakly raised his arm to give his sibling a thumbs up. "Gotcha."

**The end I guess. Just a drabble after all.**

**So, good? Bad? Just plain weird? Please review, but don't insult me.**


	2. Death by Chocolate

**Another little drabble. I own nothing but spelling errors and some chocolate. :)**

**Summary: Chocolate is more than just a yummy treat…**

**Death by Chocolate**

It's a whole new way to die.

--

"Oh. My. God."

"What is it?" Dean leaned over the diner table to look at the newspaper his younger brother was reading. "Find a new hunt?"

Sam shook his head in disbelief. "Two guys were killed by chocolate."

There was a moment of silence.

"Run that by me again?"

Sam quoted right off the page. "'Two men suffocate on chocolate.'"

"Seriously?"

"Yeah." Sam's eyes widened marginally. "They were some hired help at the bakery just down the street from here, hauling in all the ingredients and everything. Apparently, from what it says here, they were messing around in the storage room, torn open one of the large bags of chocolate powder, and began throwing it around."

Dean frowned. "How would that kill them?"

Sam looked up from his reading. "_Powder, _Dean, in an airtight room. How'd you think?"

"Oh… Oh, that sucks."

"The baker told the police that between the two of them, they only had half a brain."

"Nice."

Sam snorted. "Seems they locked the door by mistake when they went into the storage room and the powder slowly suffocated them to death as it stuck to the alveoli in their lungs." He shook his head again. "The locals are calling it death by chocolate."

"Man…" Dean leaned back in his seat. "That's so messed up."

"You're telling me..."

-

_Two hours later…_

Sam was sitting in the motel room on a bed, laptop in lap and surfing the web for a possible hunt. The chocolate dust incident had been nothing supernatural, only the pure stupidity of two men.

There was a jingle of keys at the door and Dean entered, carrying a small cardboard box. "Hey, Sam!"

Sam raised an eyebrow. "You seem awfully cheery…"

"You didn't think I'd forget, did you?" Dean sat on the corner of the bed, holding the box out to his sibling. "I mean, what kind of brother would I be?"  
"What are you talking about?" Sam set his laptop aside and took the proffered box, eying it warily. "If this is a prank I swear-"

"Just open it."

Sam obliged and carefully lifted the lid.

"Happy Birthday, Sam!"

It was a small cupcake topped with a candle. A _chocolate _cupcake to be precise.

"Uh…thanks, Dean," Sam said, staring at it.

"I know, I'm such an awesome big brother." Dean grinned. "Honestly, I didn't know what to get you, but then I saw they had a discount on all chocolate goods down at the bakery-"

"Wait, what?"

"Couldn't beat the price," Dean continued, his smile broadening. "They even tossed in the candle for free."

_Gee, I wonder why…_

_**Fin.**_

**I know Sam's Birthday is on May 2nd, but I couldn't get this idea out of my head. The chocolate dust incident is actually a real thing. I saw it once on a show called '1000 Ways to Die.' Looked it up--yep, true deal. How stupid can people get?**

**Reviews are like...chocolate. :)**


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